Missing Mom

My mom, Bronni Stahl.

Eleven years ago today my mom passed on to a better and more peaceful place. Eleven years- wow, it seems hard to believe that it's been that long yet at times the pain still feels so fresh. Especially now, as I embark on this wonderful journey of raising my own child. I wish she were here to meet her granddaughter and to guide me through some of the difficult and confusing times.

It took me a long, long time to get past the guilt of not being with her at the end of her life. I was a junior in college and living in Texas at the time. When my dad told me that it was time to come to Illinois because the doctors didn't know how much longer she would live I took a day to get my affairs in order- visiting my teachers, calling friends, packing, etc. She passed away the next day while I was on the airplane on my way there. I should have left immediately- that thought still eats me up inside so perhaps I haven't put the guilt behind me 100 percent, but I'm comforted by the thought that it was her time to go and that she knew how much I love her and didn't need to have me there to say it in person.

I don't want to dwell on the sad stuff so I'm going to focus on the happy memories- they are plentiful! My mom was the most creative and fun person and as a small child, I couldn't have asked for a better companion, playmate, and friend. She had an amazing wealth of games to play, crafts to do, stories to tell, puppet shows to perform, books to read, places to explore, etc. Some of the highlights for me were the treasure hunts and string games that we played at all of my birthday parties. Mom would go around the house taking pictures of various places and pieces of furniture as clues. The treasure would inevitably end up in the oven and it usually consisted of goody bags for all the kids. Sometimes we did this just for the heck of it when it wasn't even my birthday! The string game was a crazy disaster and I'm amazed now that she continued to do it. You tie a piece of string to a pencil and then wind it all over the house- around furniture, light fixtures, pets, whatever. Then each child got a pencil and had to follow their string while winding it around the pencil- at the end of the string would be a prize. I'm not doing either of these activities justice in my descriptions so you'll just have to trust me when I say that my birthday parties were the best and all the kids loved coming to our house to play for the day.

Mom & Wendy- fall 1977

We made indian costumes out of paper grocery bags, she made me a replica of Villa Villekulla- Pippi Longstocking's home- from of a refrigerator box, we sewed pillows and other simple things, we gardened together, made our own wrapping paper at Christmas time, and and a plethora of other fun things. I was also the only kid I knew to have a balance beam and swings in the basement!

Dad, Boomer, Wendy & Mom- taken in front of our house in Dubuque, IA in the summer of 1978. The yellow bug belonged to my grandpa Bob.

When I was a teenager, I used to get unbelievably irritated with her because she would come crawl into bed with me on the weekend mornings when I was trying to sleep in and she'd tickle me and sing annoying songs like You Are My Sunshine and Skinamarinky dinky dink. Even though it drove me nuts then, I now perpetuate the misery by employing these same tactics when I'm trying to get Matthew out of bed!

As a young adult she showed me what it meant to live life with dignity and a good spirit. The last years of her life were spent in an assisted living facility because her health had deteriorated. Though she was the youngest person there by a long shot she rarely complained and was always upbeat and chipper. She befriended all of her neighbors and was known for leaving crafts and candy at their doors on holidays and sometimes 'just because'.


I think it's fitting to wrap up this post with the epitaph that appeared on her headstone:

Bronni Stahl

Nick's wife

Wendy's mom

Friend to children everywhere